


In case I couldn't go

by chayethoughts



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 11:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15929504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chayethoughts/pseuds/chayethoughts
Summary: Hanbin has always been in a weird casual relationship with Jiwon that he couldn't even call as friendship.





	In case I couldn't go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Saudadetea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saudadetea/gifts).



I never minded about the gap that has always been present between us.

Not until I grew aware of it.

-

I’m sitting on a stool next to my English teacher. She had asked me if I had a good book to recommend and I gladly took out a copy of a Murakami book from my bag. I told her what it’s about and showed her my favorite line in the book. I let her read it while I waited to hear what she has to say about it. 

The door opens and there Jiwon was, standing with an awkward smile before closing the door behind him. Our classmates look up at the sound and soon returned to whatever they were doing, clearly unbothered because they’re used to this Jiwon. 

“Good morning, seonsaeng-nim!” He greets our teacher and shakes her hand. 

I say the same greeting to him when he turns in my direction, his smile stretches wider and salutes at me. He drops his bag on a nearby table and grabs a stool for himself. 

“You’re late again, huh?” our teacher says when he finally sat down next to me. She looks up briefly and gave him a smile before returning to the book. “We already finished the last topic last week, so you can pretty much do anything you want today.” 

That clearly explains why she had asked me for a book. I nudge Jiwon by the shoulder and smile widely at him with the sole purpose of annoying him.

“Hanbin, I know what you’re going to say. Drop it.”

I would if I wasn’t curious about what his reaction would be if I tease him today.

“Hear me out first,” I ruffle my hair as I say it and turn to look at him again. “I thought, maybe you could try having a competition with your alarm clock, you know? See if maybe you could win against it by waking up before it even goes off?” 

I know it was lame but his blank expression was worth it and he looks adorably funny, but the way in how he lifts his hands signals danger. Before I could even manage to escape, he already has me in a weak headlock. 

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, let me go.” I surrender and he lets me go. “But seriously though, consider it.” 

“You,” he stares at me. His serious expression is enough to have me laughing again. “Why are you teasing me today. What’s with you?” 

“Nothing. Why? Be grateful I’m in a good mood.” 

He shakes his head. “Good mood Hanbin means Hanbin-annoying-Jiwon for the rest of the day.” 

“What’s the problem with that? It sounds fun.” 

He grunts dramatically. “Whatever. Don’t bother me, i want to sleep.” He says before he ducks down and buries his face in his arms. 

I gave him a pat on his head. I’ll let him be this time. “Fine.” 

Jiwon has always been like this. He doesn’t go to school everyday but when he does, he’s usually late. I could only count a few times when he came on time. I never had a problem with that though. Mainly because he studies when needed and does really well on exams. He’s also such a sleepyhead, one thing we have in common. Difference is, he’s much cuter than me while sleeping. 

This interaction of us rarely happens, only because I don’t talk a lot and I mostly isolate myself from our other classmates. I just never liked talking and it tires me out. 

Jiwon, on the other hand, was liked by most people. He’s a social one and I can’t figure how he does that. I envy him, sometimes. How nice must it be not to be called boring by other people. 

“This sounded so deep, Hanbin. I didn’t know you were into these kinds of books.” Our teacher says as she hands it back to me, I held it with both hands and stare at the minimal cover. It still amazes me how this cover looks deceiving. You would think the book would be a simple train ride but when you read it, it’s actually a crazy rollercoaster ride throwing you off unexpectedly.

“I was actually not really into this kind of fiction, but I read one book from Murakami a few months back and I liked his writing since then. This is actually my third book from him, might also be my favorite one.” 

Our teacher smiles at me, the kind a parent would have when their child did something good. I suddenly feel shy, realizing I had said something private about myself. 

Right on cue, Jiwon sits upright and looks at me. A small smile plastered on his face.

“You read Murakami?” He asks with genuine curiosity, left eyebrow lifted just a bit.

“Yes, why?” His smile grew wider. I don’t know if I’m just delusional but his eyes sparkled.

“I like Murakami.” 

“Yeah?”

He grabs the book from my hands and flips through a few pages. He points at a line and gives it back to me. I take the book, but my eyes didn’t leave his. 

“Yeah.” 

Right then, I looked down at the book and saw that the line he had pointed to is the same line that made me fall in love with this book.

-

If there’s one thing I should have practiced since long ago, it would be checking my schedule regularly. I was free the first two hours of classes since I don’t take Physics and our english teacher decided to take a free day out of nowhere.That means no English class today. I could have gotten two more hours of sleep if only I checked my schedule. 

I don’t really have anything to do until my next class and I’m too annoyed to do anything either, so I went to the grassy field in the back of the school. Maybe I could try sleeping. I lay down under a tree near the fence, hoping for some moment of peace.

“Hanbin?”

Ugh. Nice timing.

I open my eyes to see who it is, though obviously I know his voice. There stands Jiwon before me, looking confused. I salute him and close my eyes again. 

I hear him drop something on the ground before sitting beside me.

“Why are you here early? We have vacant hours.” 

I’m annoyed but I don’t take it out on him, I let out a sigh instead. 

“Well, I guess someone doesn’t look at their schedule.” 

He only chuckles. I didn’t find that annoying at all. 

Jiwon doesn’t say anything after that and I’m thankful for the silence, but it only lasted for a short while. I hear him move and he grabs his bag. 

“Why don’t you come with me?”

I open my eyes and see him looking down at me, right hand slinging his bag strap over his shoulder.

“Where to?” I’m already lying comfortably and I don’t think I want to go anywhere else at the moment. 

“My place. You can have a better nap there.” 

Oh. His place? Suddenly? I didn’t expect that.

“Thank you but no, I’m good here. I’m too lazy to stand up and we will be late for our class later.” 

Empty reasons Hanbin, get your shit together. 

“Are you playing hard to get right now?” 

No, maybe yes.

“What?” I say, pretending I didn’t hear him properly because what can you actually say to that?

He grins. “Nothing. Come on, we won’t be late. I live nearby and I also want a peaceful nap.” 

He has a hopeful look in his eyes. I don’t think I can say no to that. I reach out my hand to him.

“What?” 

“Help me stand up.” 

His grin grew wider as he takes my hand to help me stand up. I grab my bag and follow him quietly. 

He wasn’t kidding when he said he lives nearby. Only a bit more than five minutes and I find myself standing in his living room. It’s a small chic apartment and it’s clear that he lives alone. 

“Welcome. Sorry, it’s a bit messy.” He picks up a hoodie and drapes it over a chair near the dining table. 

His place wasn’t what I expected. It’s neater, just a few pieces of clothing here and there that he quickly picks up one by one. 

I don’t think I would be able to nap knowing I’m in his place, what more his bedroom. I won’t survive there. 

“Are you okay on the sofa, or you want to lay down in the bed?” He asks innocently and I try not to think any more than I should about that. Ugh. 

“No, I’m okay here. Sleep is long gone anyway.” 

“Okay.”

I watch him walk around trying to find something and then he connects his phone to what seems to be a speaker. An old Keane song plays at low volume. It’s a one that I haven’t heard in a long time. 

He asks me to sit on the sofa across from him and he too sits down. .

“You listen to Keane.” He smiles and nod his head, I smile at him too. 

“You want something to drink?” 

I lean back. “No, it’s fine. Just sit, stop being polite with me. It’s just me.” 

He chuckles and nods his head again. “Right. It’s just Kim Hanbin.” 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“Nothing. Anyways, how was planning for next school year? What course are you planning to take?” He asks and I’m just reminded again of the pressure. 

“Oh, not going really well. I actually don’t know. There’s a lot I wanted to take but it’s hard to decide on which one without regretting it later on, you know?” 

He hums, brows furrowed as if thinking deeply. “What are the courses you want to take?”

I hesitate on whether to tell him or not, my studies are always something I’m uncertain about. 

“Well, when I was younger I wanted to study law and then it became business management. But now I’m choosing between being an author, interior designer or a producer.” 

The sides of his lips lifted up in a small smile. “I can definitely see you being an author. I mean, you read Murakami’s books. I think whatever you choose to do, it will work out since you always do your best.” 

Wow. I didn’t expect the compliment. My face feels hot but I hope i’m not blushing. Ugh. 

“Thanks. But seriously, it’s just really hard to choose. I want to think about it thoroughly, so I won’t regret it later. How about you? Are you still going to Berlin?”

Jiwon has been very outspoken about his interest for art and his plans to go to Berlin. He often discusses it with our teacher in the class, that’s why we knew about it. He had already looked into everything he needed and all the expenses he’s going to spend. 

I really admire him because he knows what he wants. I hope it really works out for him.

“I’m not really sure. They say I can’t and that I still have to stay here for a year more. I really wanted to go but our adviser’s not much help, I feel like she’s just holding me back. She says it won’t be possible for me to go yet.” He sighs and it felt so heavy, I feel bad for him.

“That’s terrible. I mean, you already have everything planned out. You’re just waiting to graduate and you can go right away. What are you going to do here, then?” 

Being held back from something you really wanted to do must be the most frustrating thing ever. That’s your dream and your future, I don’t get why people have to get in the way.

“I don’t know. I don’t really want to continue studying here so maybe I’ll take a year off.” 

“I hope it really works out for you, there’s not a lot of good art schools here. It’ll be okay, trust me.” I smile at him to reassure him that it’s okay, he smiles back and nods his head.

“Can we please stop talking about school? It’s just stressing us both.” 

I laugh at him but agree anyway. “Well, you’re the one who started it but okay let’s talk about something else.” 

“How many Murakami books have you read already?” 

Ah, books. I really like talking about books.

“About four now I think, but I own five books. The last book I got from him, I couldn’t finish because it felt too much for me.” 

His brows rose up in curiosity. One thing I like about talking with Jiwon is that he listens really well and he lets you know. He’s also really good at voicing his thoughts and opinions. Something I’m not good. 

“Oh? Which book was it?” 

“It was the A wild sheep chase. Have you read it?” 

His smirk gives away that he knows which book I’m talking about. Is this conversation really about to go that way?

“I think I know it. Is it the one where the main character meets a woman who if you see her ears during intimate times, it makes the sex better? I know it’s deeper than that but, just to make it simple.”

I can’t believe he doesn’t have a censor. But why am I surprised? It’s Jiwon. 

“Yes, that one. I don’t know, but I just really couldn’t finish it. I tried giving it a chance but no luck.”

Jiwon still has that stupid smirk on his face. “Are you blushing?”

What?

“Huh? What do you mean?” 

“Your face is kind of red right now.” 

Damn it. 

I look away from him, but then I started laughing and he started laughing too. God, I’m such an idiot.

“No, I was just flustered because you said the word so easily. I kind of thought you weren’t the type of person who can talk about those things with others.” 

He laughs more loudly this time and I swear I want to record it so I can listen to it whenever I want to. 

“Then you thought wrong. Why do you guys always think I’m a serious type of person? I talk about those things too. It’s normal.”

I smiled at him because he’s just being really cute right now. How can a person be this interesting? He’s making me confused about my feelings now. 

“I didn’t say it’s not.” 

“Right, but you can pretty much talk about a lot of things with me. If you’re afraid I will judge you, I won’t.” 

I looked at his face. Jiwon smiles genuinely at me. Sometimes when you talk to him, you will feel that he respects the things you’re telling him. He’s the kind of person who has a lot of opinions in every possible topic you’re going to have but, very understanding when you don’t view the same point. One of his many admirable characteristics. 

“Okay, but you have a stupid smile on your face right now, Hanbin.” 

I laughed at him while shaking my head. “Do I really?” 

“Yes, you do.” He narrows his eyes at me. “Don’t tell me you’re still thinking about the word?” 

Why can’t he drop that? I’m obviously not thinking about that. “No, I’m not.”

“Is it because it’s new to you?” He asks teasingly and I didn’t know it was possible for me to choke on my own without drinking anything. 

“What do you mean by that?” He couldn’t possibly be thinking I have no experience, no?

“Oh, come on Hanbin. You can tell me, I really won’t judge you. It’s normal if you haven’t done it yet.” 

That had me laughing completely, my chest hurts from the lack of air. 

“Why? Do you think I’m a virgin?”

His eyes grew wide and he looks genuinely surprised. “You’re not?” 

Oh my god. 

I calm myself down. “Why would you think I am?”

He shrugs. “Because you got all red when I mentioned it.” 

He’s so cute, but I also want to smack his head right now.

“Can’t I be flustered?” 

He shakes his head and started laughing softly. “I told you I wouldn’t judge you but, maybe I just did.” 

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” Not when he’s being adorable like this. 

“So, you really have done it?” He asks again, this time with a serious look on his face. 

Why do I feel like these kinds of topics are always brought up unexpectedly with everyone? Not that I mind, of course. 

I nod at him. “Yes, I did. But only with girls.” 

He stares at me like I just said something important. 

“Only with girls. And with guys?” 

I gave him a smile because this time, I know he won’t judge me. 

“Not yet.” 

I could see that he wasn’t expecting my answer, but gave me a smile anyways. 

“How about you?” Now I’m curious about this. Although this is sensitive information about us, I could feel we both don’t mind sharing it. 

“I did.” A simple answer but enough to make my heart pound. 

“With both?” Am I holding my breath? 

He smiled again, but this time it went straight to my heart. “With both.” 

I don’t know if you would call it dramatic but when Jiwon’s cheeks hinted a nice shade of pink, I felt my heart jump out of its place. 

-

Biology class is not something I’m always looking forward to. The teacher doesn’t always give lectures and instead makes us answer a whole chapter in the workbook for two hours. It doesn’t get boring for me though. Not when Junhoe’s my seatmate and Jiwon on the other side. He’s sleeping again.

“Hyung…” Junhoe blurts out all of a sudden. “If you could be an animal I think you would be a frog.” 

I snorted. He always comes up with the weirdest thoughts when he’s bored. “I very much appreciate the compliment, Junhoe.” Sarcasm emphasized. “I don’t know if that’s supposed to make me laugh or make me want to hit you in the head.” 

He’s satisfied I acknowledged him, though I never really ignore him. “No fun. Of course it’s supposed to make you laugh.” 

“Well, if you want to make me laugh don’t insult me.” 

He laughs. “But that’s the fun in it. Okay, what do you think I would be if I was an animal?” 

I pause for a moment. What could he really be? I looked at the posters on the walls of the room. 

“A bee.” He looked horrified when I said that. 

“A bee?! Why a bee?” 

I stared right into his eyes. “Because you make the flowers bloom.” 

I tried so hard not to laugh when I saw him cringe. His face scrunched in disgust. “Hyung, how the hell does bees make flowers bloom?” 

“I don’t know. But I know you can.” 

He groans and I can see he’s getting red. It’s fun teasing him like this. And definitely became more fun when I hear Jiwon snickering beside me. I know it’s lame, but that made me proud of myself. 

-

It was raining hard when Jiwon sat beside me for the second time in Bio class. I looked at him briefly and returned my gaze outside the window. The teacher went out for a while and everyone was surprisingly quiet. Maybe because the gloomy weather is perfect for sleep. 

The raindrops against the glass windows sounded so calm that I can’t help but wonder if I should be here at this place. I just want to tuck myself under the covers of my bed and listen to a soft mellow song from the record player. How nice would that be with someone too. 

“A penny for your thoughts?” 

I look at him and see a smile plastered on that handsome face. I smile back at him.

“I’m not really thinking about anything, just dazed.” 

He nods and puts his chin on his palm. “How are you?” 

I lay my head on my arms and look up at him. “You ask that as if we don’t see each other often.”

He looks so soft when his eyes looked down at me. “You know I’m not always present at school.”

I chuckled because that was true. Something I guess would never change. “I’m doing fine, Jiwon. Thank you.” 

He smiles again and turned his gaze outside the window. This time, he’s the one lost in thought. I could freely examine his face like this. Sharp jawlines that make everyone swoon, pierced eyebrow, clear eyes that turn into crescent moons when he smiles, nose that always scrunches adorably when he laughs and those tempting rose lips. Not even in my next life would I be lucky to have someone beautiful like him. 

“Jiwon..” 

He slowly returns his gaze back at me, waiting for what I’m about to say.

“What if I tell you that you’re my ideal type?” 

And for the second time, I saw Jiwon blush. But this time, he didn’t look away from me. 

-

Without knowing, Jiwon and I hung out more often than we used to. I don’t try to think too much about it simply because I don’t even know what’s really going on between us. Whether this goes somewhere, I hope my heart is ready. 

Jiwon is sitting on his single sofa while reading a book. I am sprawled out on his bed examining the ceiling of his room. We were both quiet and I don’t think we have anything to talk about. Sometimes, we just get content with the silence between us. 

My eyes catch a framed piece of artwork on his wall, it has his signature under it.

“Did you make that?” I ask suddenly. Jiwon follows my line of sight and hums.

“Yeah.” 

I roll over and look at him. “Do you have other ones too?” 

He looks at me and smiled. “Yes. Do you want to see them?” 

Would he really let me see them?

“Is it okay?” I ask hesitantly. 

I’ve always seen Jiwon drawing something on every paper he gets his hands on, but I never asked him to show them to me. I always got the feeling that it’s very private for him and if he wants to show me, only then would I look at it. 

He nods and puts down the book he’s reading. “Of course. All you need to do is ask, Hanbin. I would never say no to you.” 

I felt my face turn hot. What does he mean by that?

He stands up from his seat and signals for me to follow him. We went outside his bedroom, into another room in this apartment and turned the lights on. Against the wall are the drawings and paintings made by him. I walked further inside and all the strokes of colors in the canvases, all the thin lines of pencil shaping figures I can’t quite make out but still looked beautiful, made me believe that this is what Jiwon really is. Everything in here is him. 

“Most of them are abstract and I’m still learning. What do you think of them?” I almost missed the hint of nervousness in his voice if I didn’t look at him right then. 

“It’s great, Jiwon. You’re really great.” I ran out of words to say to him. I wish I could have thought of a more beautiful word to compliment him but seeing this side of Jiwon, his passionate self, is almost too much for me to even think properly. 

He closes the door behind him and points at a painting to my right. I look at it and I know I don’t need to hear him say what it is, because it’s clear.

“That’s you.” He says quietly. I stared at it for a long time, not knowing what to say. It’s overwhelming because it’s Jiwon who made it. It’s his hand who held the brush that brought it into life. The colors, the face. I know the person very well, or maybe I don’t. I don’t know how he managed to make me look that beautiful when I’ve always seen myself as ugly. 

I turn around and there he stands a few inches away from me, his eyes looking straight to mine. I felt something shot through my chest and I just know, I just know that Jiwon has already taken something from me that I won’t be able to take back. 

-

After that day, Jiwon didn’t come to school. He’s been absent for a week and I don’t like how it makes me feel. Everyday I’m hoping that I’d see him, but like always, he just comes and goes. 

There’s a certain emptiness in my chest and it also hurts. I don’t know where I stand in Jiwon’s life. I don’t know what I am to him. I don’t know if he sees me the same way I see him since that day. 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Junhoe asks during lunch break when I was sitting alone in a bench. 

I only nod at him, not really in the mood to give him an answer. I hate that Jiwon makes me feel like this. I hate how confused and hurt he makes me feel. 

“You’ve been more quiet, I’m actually worried. Is there something bothering you?” 

Junhoe is the type that won’t push me further if I don’t want to talk and it seems that he’s really worried, I can see that he won’t let this go. 

“Have you ever been in love, Junhoe?” 

He became quiet for a moment before leaning back to his chair. 

“I never thought we will ever have this topic.” He smiles and nods at me. “Yes, I have.” 

I guess he would understand me, then. “How would you know where you stand in someone’s life? How do you know if they feel the same way about you?” 

The silence from Jiwon is frustrating. I’m scared that I’m the only one who feels like this. I’m scared that maybe that painting was just an illusion, that I just imagined him looking straight into my eyes with so much intensity it made my heart pound. What would I do if that day wasn’t real at all?

“Have you already talked to that person?” 

How I wish I did. 

“No, I haven’t seen him in a while.” 

He stared at me. “Oh.” 

I didn’t say anything. I shouldn’t try to hide it now if I’m having a difficult time already. One thing I know is Junhoe would never judge me.  
He smiles and gave me a reassuring squeeze on my shoulder. “It’s Jiwon, isn’t it?”

How did he know?

“Huh?” I say before I could stop myself and I know that gave me away.

“So, it’s really him? I noticed you’ve been closer recently.”

I let out a sigh. “Yeah, it’s Jiwon.”

He hums in thought, as if thinking what would be the best thing to say. “We know him very well, hyung. Sometimes, he just disappears and then shows up again as if nothing happened. About your feelings, I think you should talk to him about it.”

Well, Jiwon could have said something and not make me go insane thinking about him. 

“It’s not easy and I don’t know how I should talk to him.” 

He rolls his eyes. “You can text him, hyung. You have his number.” 

“But I don’t want to do it over the phone.” I know I’m just trying to make an excuse because I don’t think I can do that. 

“Now you’re just being a coward. If you want to talk to him personally, go to the museum he works at.” He says and taps my knee. “Jiwon would listen. He would always listen, you know that.”

I nod because he’s right. “I know.”

“I hope it works out for you.” He says and I’m thankful to Junhoe for being a support I didn’t know that I needed.

-

Like what Junhoe advised, I decided to go to the museum where Jiwon works. I thought that it would be better to just walk around first and not bother him until he’s done working. I sent him a text saying that I will be there. 

The exhibit consists of different themes for each room, all dimly lit with a hint of orange and yellow streaks of light. Paintings are hung close to the wall with wooden frames and they were all placed beautifully.  
I don’t really have a touch of artistry in myself and analysing paintings is something I won’t be successful trying, but I know how to admire them. 

I was in the second room when a painting of flowers caught my attention. It’s simple and pretty, but something about it mesmerized me.  
The colors are calming and just by looking at them it’s enough to drift my mind off to somewhere. 

I don’t know how long I’ve been staring at it when I heard someone behind me.

“You’re here.” The way he said it feels like he just confirmed that I’m here. In person. 

I turn around to face him and I was again reminded of that day in his house. Jiwon looks more beautiful than the last time I saw him, I know it’s only been a week but you would think like that too  
when you see someone you love again after a long time. His hair is messy and he’s already changed in his normal clothing. He reaches out his hand and with a bit of hesitation, I took it. 

“How are you?” He asks while staring at me.  
I feel weak now that he’s in front of me. I want to cry but not where he can see me. 

“I’m not okay, Jiwon.” I won’t gain anything from this if I lie about how I feel. I want him but I’m scared he doesn’t. 

He pulls me close and I can smell the faint hint of cologne from him. 

“I’m sorry, Hanbin.” 

I hold his hands for support because how can I remain standing up straight and pretend this doesn’t affect me? I hate that I look so weak in front of him. 

“Please tell me I didn’t just imagine that painting. Or you can also tell me that it’s not real so I can move on.” 

He squeezes my hands. “It’s real, Hanbin. I’m sorry that I didn’t show up to you after that. I was just scared.” 

“Scared of what?” 

“Of hurting you.” 

I stared at him. 

“I’m going to Berlin. I don’t want to put you through that.” 

“Don’t you realize that I want to be with you? I won’t make you choose between your dreams and me, Jiwon.” 

He gently pulls me to him and hugged me tight. He feels warm and soft. 

“I know that, Hanbin. But don’t you think I can’t leave you easily? I know myself too much and if you ask me to be with you right now, you know I would never say no to you.” He whispers against my ear only for me to hear. I know he would, but it would be unfair to him if I do that. 

“Then kiss me.” I say with all the courage that I have, using so much effort to not let my voice crack. That’s all I would ask him, even if I want more of him.

He pulls back and looks at me again. 

“Right now?” He asks and I can’t tell if he’s wary of people possibly walking in on us, but all I want is Jiwon and I just can’t think rationally right now because I’m already a mess inside. 

“Yes, right now.” 

Maybe he wasn’t really bothered about other people, maybe he just wanted to know that I’m sure about this. He doesn’t wait and he doesn’t say anything, he just crashes into me. Soft lips against mine and I almost lose my balance if it weren’t for his hands holding me in place. All my thoughts went away and it’s only me and Jiwon. The way his lips felt on mine brought me somewhere else. The paintings are gone, the lights are gone and all I feel is him. I might burst, and he might too and I wouldn’t even ask for more if that happens. 

I don’t know how long it lasted, or if people even saw us. Jiwon has his eyes closed while his forehead is still leaning against mine. He’s softly panting and my heart fluttered when he smiled.

“You don’t know how long I waited for that.” He says and I felt relieved knowing I’m not the only one. 

“Would you like to come with me tonight?” 

“Where?” Even if I don’t ask, I know.

“To my place, I want to hug you to sleep.” 

My face feels hot and I can’t stop smiling. “Okay.” 

He smiles and kisses me softly again before dragging me out of the museum with him. 

We’re lying down on his bed, cuddling while waiting for sleep to come.

“Why won’t you ask me to stay?” 

I would never do that, not when I know that’s the first time you’ll say no to me. 

“Because I know how important your dreams are to you. I’m content even if the only thing I could do is support you.” 

He hugs me tighter. One day, I would long for this and I hope I am strong enough for that day. 

“Thank you, Hanbin. This will be hard for us, but please tell me you’d wait for me.”

I look up at him. I would recognize this face even in a crowd full of people and I know my heart would long for him until he comes back. 

“I will, Jiwon. And when you finally come back, you know where to look for me and I know where to wait for you.” 

I’m slowly accepting that this is not yet our time. This will be tough and I know that we might meet people along the way. It could be us in the end, or maybe not.

Right now, what’s important is that I let Jiwon know that I’m here for him. Hugging him right now made me feel that my heart is in the right place.

**Author's Note:**

> This should have been posted yesterday but my computer acted up but now it's finally up! Yay!
> 
> So, this has been the product of getting back to writing after months of having a block that frustrated me so much. This wouldn't have also been written if it weren't for the lovely Sarah (@Saudadetea) who is really kind enough to accept my offer of writing something dedicated to her and took the time to read through it to help me with my grammar. Thank you, thank you for the big help! Maybe I should consider writing a fake dating au for you some time in the future. Haha.
> 
> And to the readers, if I ever have any hehe, thank you so much for reading! This is hopefully my return into writing and let me finally finish the fics that I have started. Have a good day everyone! <3


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